


Outcast, But Never Alone

by TexMexTwins



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Trans Character, Coming Out, Gen, Loneliness, Lots of Crying, Panic Attacks, Trans Female Character, Transitioning, Trauma, hopelessness, magic can do amazing things, slight body dysphoria if you read between the lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 07:22:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11641725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TexMexTwins/pseuds/TexMexTwins
Summary: A three-part series about the things Taako would do for his sister.Part One: TransitioningPart Two: WaitingPart Three: Confiding





	1. Transitioning

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was going to be three separate ideas but then I realized they could all work pretty well in a timeline together, and so this three-shot was born. Enjoy! I love the twins very very much.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is un-beta'd and I didn't proofread very much, so hopefully there are no huge mistakes.

Taako was fourteen when Lup first told him she was a girl. She had stated it as casually as if she was telling him their birthday, an offhanded comment dropped so unceremoniously that Taako almost didn’t notice. It had taken him a full five seconds to process this revelation, and once the thought was fully in his head, the only thing he was able to say in response was, “Okay.” It wasn’t difficult for him to accept, and he took great pride in referring to Lup as his sister.

Nearly two hundred years later, not much has changed on that matter. Taako watches his sister from across the breakfast table, chatting and flirting with Barry as she digs eagerly into the meal they had prepared that morning, and smiles. The apocalypse might be constantly looming over them, but Taako can’t help but feel a swell of contentedness when he sees how happy Lup is. Barry may be a clueless nerd, but he’s loyal and affectionate and loves Lup for everything that she is, and even if he tries Taako doesn’t think he could find any fault in their relationship.

Taako stands up, having finished his breakfast, and drops his dishes in the sink to wash later in the day. “I’m gonna go sit on the desk for a little while, get some fresh air,” he announces and, winking, adds, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Wait a minute,” Lup calls out before he can leave. “Before you go, I want to show you something important.”

Taako hesitates, glancing over his shoulder and raising an eyebrow in interest. Lup stands up, a wide grin on her face, and shares a knowing look with Barry before motioning for them both to follow her. Both of them look uncharacteristically excited. Confused and a bit wary, Taako follows Lup into her bedroom, where her desk is piled high with research materials, scrawled notes, and all manner of office supplies and trinkets.

Sitting in the middle of the desk is a thick, neat stack of papers, a pen laying beside it. Lup approaches it excitedly and gathers the packet up in her hands before turning to present it to Taako. “This bad boy is something Barry and I have been working on for a pretty long time now,” she says. “It’s been hard to find spare time to work on it in between our research on the Light of Creation and the Hunger, but we recently made a pretty exciting breakthrough and, well, I wanted you to have a look at it.” With that, Lup offers the packet to Taako expectantly.

Swallowing, Taako takes the thick stack of papers and lets his eyes wander over the first few pages, where Lup’s wild handwriting and Barry’s neat script take turns jotting down early calculations, hypotheses, and ideas. The notes are for a transmutation spell, though it isn’t a spell Taako has ever seen before. The notes contain, in great detail, a spell that Lup and Barry have manipulated for the express purpose of transmuting a humanoid body.

Upon having this realization, Taako sucks in a stunned breath and turns his wide-eyed gaze to his sister. “Lup, this is…” he starts, but finds himself at a loss for words.

Lup’s grin is blinding, her excitement almost tangible. “It’s pretty amazing, right?” she exclaims. “Barry and I have been prepping this research for decades, ironing out all the details, and, well, it’s not totally finished yet, there’s still some details that need to be ironed out, but all in all, a pretty sweet deal, don’t you think?”

Barry looks pretty proud of himself, leaning over to point out some of the details to Taako. “The spell is derived from low-level transmutation spells,” he explains. “The idea was to turn something that could transmute inorganic matter into something that could work on a living person without hurting them. We think we have it pretty much figured out, but I wanted to run it by you first, seeing as you’re the transmutation specialist.”

Taako hardly hears what Lup and Barry are saying, his brain trying frantically to process the notes in his hands. “It’s a transitioning spell,” he says at last. “A spell to transmute a male body into a female one. But Lup…” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. He feels a headache start to form behind his eyes. “Hatchi matchi. This spell is more complex than anything I’ve ever attempted, and I know ninth level transmutation spells! I don’t think there’s a wizard in the universe who can pull this off.”

Lup and Barry exchange a glance, and Lup takes a breath to push away her excitement a bit. She reaches out and rests her hands on Taako’s shoulders, causing him to look up at her and away from the notes. She’s taken up a more serious demeanor, and it makes Taako’s stomach knot with dread at what he knows is coming next. “Taako, you’re an extremely talented wizard. We’ve learned more about magic on this voyage than we ever could have hoped to learn if we were still in our home world, and, well, Barry and I agree. We think that if anyone can pull this off, it’s you.” She pauses, watching Taako’s expression as it shifts from shock to denial and finally to a baffled sort of fear. His eyes flick from Lup and Barry and back again, taking in their steely expressions.

“Holy shit,” he murmurs, “you guys are serious. What the fuck, Lup? You don’t really think that I… I mean, I haven’t read all the notes yet, but still… how would I even practice? Did you think this through?”

Lup rolls her eyes. “Calm down, little brother. I’m not dumb, of course I thought this through,” she chides, though her lips twitch in amusement at the glare Taako sends her way. “Look, we have this all planned out, okay? You can use me as a test subject!”

Taako nearly drops the notes he’s holding, and Lup looks concerned. Cursing, Taako bends over and picks up the few pages that fell onto the floor. It wasn’t like him to be this clumsy or nervous, and Lup notices with a start that his hands are shaking. Clutching the pages to his chest as an anchor, Taako takes a calming breath and tries to keep his voice from trembling. “Lup. Lulu. Sis. Do you have any idea what you’re suggesting to me? Holy fucking shit Lup, it’s one thing if I could practice on, like, a bird or something, but attempting an extremely dangerous and untested spell on my fucking sister? I could kill you, Lup!”

It’s then that Barry interjects into the conversation, holding his hands out in hopes of calming some of Taako’s anxiety. “Let us explain, Taako, it’s not quite as scary as it sounds,” he soothes, and Taako quiets, letting him continue. “Lup and I made sure to be extremely thorough. We tried our best not to leave any room for rebounds to make this spell as safe as we possibly could. Plus, we know that if we missed something, you would probably be able to see it and fix it for us.”

“It’s not like you’re going to do any permanent damage, anyway,” Lup adds. “The way we discussed it, we would attempt the spell at the end of a cycle, that way if something backfired for whatever reason, the effects would only last a few days. When we return to our recorded states at the beginning of the next cycle, everything would be back to normal! No harm, no foul, right?”

“It’s not that simple!” Taako snaps, raking a hand through his hair. He paces across the room to Lup’s desk, depositing the notes where they had been sitting before he arrived. “So we reset at the end of the year. Fine, fuck it, that’s all well and good. But if this spell backfired and hurt you, Lup… I don’t think I could handle that situation.”

Lup smiles a soft and sympathetic smile, and lets her hands fall from his shoulders to tangle her fingers with his. “I know I’m asking a lot from you, and I know that there’s a lot of assumed risk involved with trying to cast a spell like this, but I trust you.” She runs her thumbs over Taako’s knuckles, a soothing gesture she’s used many times before. “All I’m asking is that you give it a thought. Read our notes and compare it with what you already know, and if the conclusion you reach is that it’s too dangerous to attempt, then I understand, but at least try it out. If this spell works the way we hope it does, then it will be everything I’ve ever hoped for regarding this body.” She gestures to herself, and Taako sighs, conflicted.

For a few seconds, nobody speaks. Taako looks down, deep in thought, and Lup can see the gears turning in his head, silently weighing the pros and cons. After a moment, he takes a resolutive breath and breaks the silence, saying, “Fine, I’ll give it a go.” A grin blooms on Lup’s face, but before she can say anything else, he adds, “but it’s going to take some time if I really want to get this right. Don’t get antsy yet.”  
“How much time do you need?” Barry asks.

Taako contemplates this for a moment, a thoughtful noise escaping him. “Give me your notes, give me your research materials, and give me a year to put everything together. At the end of the next cycle, if I think it’s going well, then we do this thing, okay?”

Lup lets out a yell of triumph, grinning ear to ear, and wraps Taako up in a big hug. “Thank you, Taako! You’re the best!”

\---

Taako’s year of research passes uneventfully. While Lup and Barry continue studying the Light of Creation in hopes of taking out the Hunger, Taako devotes his time to memorizing their notes, comparing them against his own knowledge and filling in the gaps where their lack of experience leaves holes in their theory. Lup checks up on him often, bringing him meals when he’s too engrossed in reading to feed himself and reminding him to slow down, take your time, there’s not rush. Taako thinks that the worst part of the process is figuring out that Lup and Barry are right, the spell is doable. Even scarier than that thought is the realization that the more he studies, the more confident he is that he can cast it. The transitioning spell is incredibly complicated and will probably take over an hour to prep and cast, but more and more Taako finds himself thinking that if he memorizes the process, it was within his skill range. 

At the end of the cycle, Taako decides that it’s worth giving the spell a trial run. He’s fairly confident that he won’t accidentally disfigure Lup, but he preps a handful of backup spells in case the worst happens and, taking a page out of Magnus’s book, rushes into the process foolheartedly. He shuts himself up in Lup’s room with her and Barry and forbids the rest of the crew from bothering him, then sets to work preparing the necessary components and drawing the runes the three of them had carefully crafted onto Lup’s exposed stomach. After triple-checking his work for any mistakes and making final adjustments, he begins to work on the actual casting of the spell. It would take him an additional half hour or more to complete it.

Taako’s first attempt is unsuccessful, and leaves Lup feeling dizzy and disoriented for the remaining few days of the cycle until the Hunger arrives and the cycle resets. As she predicted, Lup is back to normal once she enters her recorded state on the deck of the Starblaster, and Taako takes a very small amount of relief in knowing his botched attempt hasn’t permanently disabled his sister.

The next three years are spent refining the spell, finding the things that went wrong and correcting them, and trying again at the end of each cycle. These attempts are also failures, but with each one, Taako refines the spell more and more. His mind itches to do the spell correctly, and he can’t fight the feeling that he’s close, so close he can feel it in the tip of his fingers as he finishes his fourth failed attempt.

Taako puts everything he has into his fifth attempt, and at last, he sees the payoff of all his practice and studying. The spell is successful, he can tell before he even sees the results. But when he finally does, the reality that he had done it sets in and he starts to laugh so hard that tears form in his eyes. Lup and Barry are laughing, too, and Taako gathers Lup up in the strongest and most energetic embrace they’ve ever shared because it worked, their hard work had paid off and Lup finally had a body that she could love wholeheartedly.

Three days later the Hunger arrives and absorbs the plane they’re on, and for all the remorse and sadness there is to be had during the apocalypse, the Starblaster is also filled with joy and celebration. This time, Taako doesn’t wait, casting the transitioning spell on Lup that very day. And Lup grins, looking more pleased than a child at a Candlenights party, and whispers, “You’re amazing.”

For the thirty years that follow, Taako doesn’t hesitate anymore. He casts the spell on Lup on the first day of every year, until the fateful ninety-ninth cycle when Lup’s transition is finally made permanent. Combine that with finding the Light of Creation and realizing that this is it, they’ve defeated the Hunger, and everyone aboard the Starblaster suddenly has reason to party all night.

Lup changes after that day, a good kind of change. Lup doesn’t grow more confident as much as she grows more comfortable, eagerly embracing her new body. And Taako smiles, throws an arm around her shoulders the way he always does as he chats with his teammates, and everything just seems so right that he can’t help but grin, because when Lup is happy, so is he.


	2. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry find a way to get Lup a new body. Taako learns to be patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of this 3-part series! I have so many twins feels, it's nice to get them out on paper at last. I imagine Taako is a lot more physically comfortably around Lup, letting her touch and hug him, and wanting to hug her, etc. even though he's not like that with the other members of the IPRE.

Taako loves his sister more than he loves anyone else in the universe, but when Lucretia steals his memories of her from him, there’s very little he can do about it.

He spends a decade on the road, by himself or with a partner or with someone he’s never met before. He has a cooking show. He’s famous, for a little while. He takes up adventuring as a way to spread his brand in hopes of salvaging his tattered reputation. He takes up heroism out of boredom. When Lucretia offers him a job as a Reclaimer for the Bureau of Balance, he accepts it, but not because he wants to save the world, necessarily. He’s used to taking any and all opportunities given to him, and this one is too generous to pass up. It gives him a chance to stay with Magnus and Merle, who he has grown somewhat attached to in the short time they’ve worked together, and it gives him a steady income. All in all, the deal is pretty good.

Then Taako drinks the baby voidfish’s ichor, and suddenly he has something to fight for, something to be angry about. Lup is gone, having vanished a dozen years ago, and in her absence a righteous fury ignites in him. He threatens the Director with his sister’s staff and dreams of the irony of killing her with the weapon of the person she stole from him. The anger isn’t good, though, it’s suffocating and nauseating, and Taako knows he could never forgive himself if he was to do something to hurt a member of his family, and so he steels himself, redirecting his anger towards the Hunger. He sees Angus, his sweet and naive apprentice, cast the biggest fireball he’s ever seen, and the reality of it is a punch in the gut. He snaps the Umbrastaff over his knee with all the strength he can muster, desperate and hopeful beyond what he knows is rational, and prays to whatever deities are left standing in this miserable fight that for once, he can find a bit of luck for himself.

Whether by divine power or just an educated guess, his half-baked plan somehow works. Bands of fire encircle the dark, opalescent tendril of the Hunger until it is completely devoured, along with all the monstrosities it created. Taako shields his eyes from the brilliant blast of fire, and in the middle of it he sees Lup, arms outstretched and fingers splayed as the fiery explosions sound all around him. He feels the heat of her power against his skin, but not a hair on him is harmed as the flames subside. Taako feels as though his heart might explode. He’s vaguely aware that he’s crying, but he doesn’t care. Lup is here, Lup is safe, and in the moment, nothing else matters.

Fighting the Hunger is a long and arduous task, and by the end of it Taako is so worn out he feels like he could drop dead at any moment. His supply of magic is gone, his spell slots spent and his energy sapped down to his last reserves. He lets out a long breath and drops to the ground, arms and legs splayed out against the patchy, singed grass of the once-beautiful quad. The base is in ruins, bodies draped over piles of glass and rubble, groans of pain and hushed whispers filling the air. Taako misses the happy chatter that previously made up the background noise of this base. It feels emptier now, filled with the ghosts and last regrets of the people who hadn’t been as lucky as himself. Taako wonders what Lucretia will do now that the Hunger is gone. She has no use for the Bureau now that the relics are powerless. Will she disband it? Turn it into something else?

“You look like shit, little brother.”

Taako opens his eyes, glaring, as Lup’s spectral lich form floats behind his head. He can’t stay annoyed with her for long, though, not when he finally had his sister back. “Five minutes is hardly ‘older’,” he says instead, lips twitching into the hint of a smile. He tries to fight is back, but he can’t hide anything from Lup, and she laughs.

“Still counts,” she teases, and sits down beside him, as much as her incorporeality will let her. Instinctively, Taako reaches out to touch her, to hold her hand, to bump his shoulder against her, and is reminded with a pang of sadness that he can’t. Lup turns her featureless face to him. “Are you alright? I can get Merle for you if you need a heal.”

Taako shakes his head. “Nah, I’m all good,” he says, “there are a lot of people who need it more than I do. We took some, uh, pretty big hits out there.” The small talk is forced and awkward, and Taako fidgets in discomfort. Talking to his sister shouldn’t feel this way, but he knows that both of them are avoiding the elephant in the room. “Are you okay?” he says instead. “I’m not sure how fatigue and stuff work in your spooky new bod but I imagine is can’t feel great. Plus, you were kinda stuck in that umbrella for, like, twelve years.”

“I’m fine,” she says, but doesn’t elaborate. Taako chooses not to press the subject. There would be time to talk later, but for now he just wanted to make sure Lup was safe. So he says nothing, returning his gaze skyward. The sun is going down, stars starting to pop up on the night sky, and Taako studies them for a moment, giving Lup time to collect her thoughts. “I missed you, Taako,” she says at last, her voice quiet and vulnerable. It was a tone she reserved for serious moments, and Taako listens intently to her every word. “I missed you all, of course, but when I was alone with my thoughts, unable to do anything but sit and wait, I thought about you. I wanted to see you again, so badly that it nearly drove me crazy.” She laughs a little, but her laugh is bitter and broken. Taako hates it. “I wish I could hug you. I really want to, but this form isn’t really compatible with that.”

Taako grins a bit, cupping his hands behind his head and crossing his ankles. The grass tickles his face, but he doesn’t mind. “We’ll figure something out. Barry’s got all kinds of tricks up his sleeves. I’m sure he can find a way to get you a new body.”

As if on cue, there was a cough from beside them, and Taako turned his head in the grass to see Barry approaching them. He paused a few meters away. “I’m, uh, not interrupting you guys, am I?” he asks, a sheepish, crooked smile on his face. He’s still in his body, but he looks rougher than Taako does, covered in scratches and makeshift bandages to cover his more serious wounds. One of the lenses of his glasses is cracked, and there are dark bags under his eyes.

Taako shakes his head and beckons Barry over. “You look beat to shit, my man,” he quips humorlessly as Barry comes to sit on the other side of Lup. He chuckles, hugging his knees to his chest.

“I could say the same to you,” he says, glancing over at the two of them. His expression softens a bit, and he smiles. “It’s good to see you two back together again. How’re you holding up?”

Taako shrugs from the grass, glancing up at the sky. “I’ll live,” he replies. “It’s just… a lot to process, is all.”

Barry nods. “Yeah, it is.” He glances at Lup, who’s been silent for the last few minutes. “Lup? You okay?” he asks, concerned.

Lup nods. “Yeah, I’m alright,” she replies. “Just… tired. Which sucks, because I don’t think this body really sleeps. I miss having skin, and being able to touch stuff.”

Barry smiles. “I get that. I made a lot of lich-shifts looking for all of you. It’s not the most ideal solution, but I do have ways of growing a new body. It was the only way I could keep searching without Lucretia’s magic detecting me.” He glances at Lup. “I… might have an idea of how we can make you a new body. Well, kind of.”

Lup perks up at this. “You do? Well, don’t keep me waiting, Barold, queue me in!”

Barry grimaces. “Don’t get too excited. It’s just an idea. I don’t even know if it’s doable,” he says quickly. “I have a pod, for lack of a better term. If you feed it a person’s genetic material, it can grow them a new body in a few months. We don’t have any of your blood or hair or anything like that, so I can’t grow you your actual body,” he explains, and Lup deflates a bit. Seeing this, Barry quickly adds, “but I think I have a way around it. I just don’t know if it will work.”

He turns to look pointedly at Taako, who glances back in confusion. “What’re you looking at me for?”

“Well, I’ve been theorizing,” Barry begins, and Taako feels a knot of dread form in his stomach. “You and Lup are identical twins, right? Meaning, genetically identical. If we use some of Taako’s genetic material to grow a new body for you, Lup, it would probably look and feel like your original one did.” He pauses then, running a hand through his hair. “The only problem is that Taako is, well, alive. The new body that would grow in that pod would be a corpse, technically, and I don’t know how the magic would respond to that.”

Taako swallows, and tries not to get his hopes up. “Well, Garfield was able to grow another Magnus in his weird pod thingy, and Magnus was still alive,” he says, sitting up in the grass. “I guess he was technically dead when he went inside that body, but wouldn’t the concept still work for this?”

Barry thinks it over for a bit. “It seems like growing a body wouldn’t be a problem, but that doesn’t change the fact that an unfamiliar soul would be inhabiting a body that is essentially a clone of your own. With your soul still in your body, I wonder if Lup would even be able to get inside.” His brows are furrowed, taking on an expression that Taako has seen countless times. He’s theorizing, trying to work out the kinks in his plan. He glances up at Lup again. “What do you think? Think it’s worth a shot?”

“At this point, I’m up for anything,” Lup answers immediately, and Taako can tell she’s as hopeful as he is.

The three of them don’t waste any time. Taako leads them to the abandoned Fantasy Costco storage room, where the pod is miraculously unharmed, and as they stand in front of the pod, silently looking up at it, Taako says, “So do I just, like, dip my finger in, or what?”

“A few drops of your blood should do the trick,” Barry says, and Taako nods. He approaches the pod and draws his short sword, carefully slicing the tip of his finger and holding it out over the rim of the glass. He lets a few drops fall, watching as it extends like a spider web through the viscous green fluid. He pulls his hand back and wipes it on his clothes, too dirty and torn for him to care much for them anymore and turns to Barry for approval. Barry nods to him, smiling, and then up at Lup.

“Now we wait,” he says. “I wish it didn’t take so long, but this is all we have, so, I guess just hold on a few more months.”

Days pass as the pod slowly works its magic, then weeks. Taako busies himself helping to restore the moon base, clearing away rubble and recovering the bodies of friends who were buried underneath. It’s gruesome, and emotionally taxing, but it keeps Taako from driving himself crazy. All he wants is for this plan to work. He wants to hug Lup, hold her hands and lean against her like he always used to. He wants it, and the wanting is so strong that his fingers tingle with the urge to reach out and touch her.

He and Barry visit the pod often. Slowly but surely, Taako starts to see the blood he’s donated forming a new body. It’s almost like watching a baby age very rapidly, limbs becoming more defined and lengthening to an adult size. It was odd, watching this process. He imagined that if he had photos of what he looked like as a child, this is what they would resemble. Lup came by as well, though not as often as the others, claiming that the body growing in the pod was “fucking creepy, dude”.

After a few months had passed, Barry declared the pod to be ready, and the next day the three of them gathered around the pod. Barry had brought her a set of her old clothes, salvaged from the things off the Starblaster Lucretia had kept, and set them on the table in front of the pod. “Whenever you’re ready, Lup,” he said, gesturing to the pod.

Lup nods, her spectral body rising up and floating to hover above the pod. She pauses briefly to say, “See you on the other side!” before descending into her new body.

As her lich form disappears, the pod’s membrane breaks, green fluid streaming out of it. Lup slumps to the ground, catching herself on her newly-formed hands, and Barry is there in an instant, wrapping her up in a fluffy gray towel he’d borrowed from Taako’s suite. He’s beaming, a huge grin on his face as he holds her gently against his chest. She hugs him back, bending and unbending her fingers against the fabric of his shirt as she carefully tests the capabilities of this new body. Taako’s fingers itch to run over and smother her, but he holds himself back, politely allowing the two of them to have a moment before he interferes.

Lup doesn’t take long to untangle herself from Barry, and he helps her to her feet as she hugs the big towel around herself. Her legs are shaky, and as she makes her way to him, face alight with happiness, she stumbles, tripping over her own feet. Taako laughs and steadies her with his hands on her arms, raising an eyebrow. She laughs along with him. “Sorry, it’s been… a long time since I’ve had real legs,” she says, taking a moment to right herself before flinging her arms around his neck.

Taako squeezes her back, hard, and props his chin up on her shoulder, and she’s solid, and warm, and alive. It’s everything that Taako had hoped it would be, and he can’t help it. He starts to cry, and from the feeling of Lup quivering against him he can tell she’s crying too. They stay like that for a little while, swaying comfortingly back and forth the way they used to as kids and Taako swears in that moment that nothing will ever be able to top this moment. After twelve long and lonely years, he can finally hold his sister again, and he holds onto that feeling tightly, unwilling to let it go. But eventually he pulls away, reluctantly, and wipes the tears from his eyes. “Welcome home, sis,” he says, and Lup beams.

Barry coughs, smiling slightly as he holds out the bundle of clothing to Lup. “We’ll, uh, wait for you outside,” he says, and nods to Taako as he exits the room.

Taako turns to look at Lup, slightly worried about leaving her alone, but he sees her walk towards the back of the room, her steps a bit more confident now, and grins. He follows Barry outside, leaning against the wall next to him and taking a deep breath. Barry flashes him a knowing look. Neither of them need to speak. 

They wait in comfortable silence as Lup gets dressed, only looking up when the door creaks open and she steps out, grinning and striking a pose for them. She’s only wearing an old pair of pajamas, but she finds a way to flaunt it anyway, making Taako laugh out loud. “Hell yeah, I’m back,” she announces.

Having Lup back is like feeling the sun’s warmth after months of winter storms. He keeps close to her at all times for the first few days, and Lup doesn’t mind, letting him lean against her or throw his arm around her or play idly with her hair the way he used to do. It’s familiar, it’s nostalgic, and Taako feels like a hole he never knew was there has been filled. They don’t talk about what happened during their years apart; there will be time for that later, but for now, they celebrate, and they enjoy each other’s company.

For now, Taako is content. He has his family around him, his sister is home, the Hunger is gone. He clings to that feeling, revels in it, basks in the rightness of it all, and he thrives. For the first time in over a dozen years, Taako feels completely and entirely at home.


	3. Confiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako and Lup have a talk about what happened during their twelve years apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the third and final part of this miniseries. Thanks so much for reading!

When Taako and Lup lived with their aunt, one of their favorite things was to cook for each other. If Lup was upset, Taako would make her something sweet, with caramel and nuts, and when Taako was angry, Lup would cook up something spicy and savory. It was like a secret language the two of them shared, knowing just what to make to cheer the other up or just to make them smile. Their aunt encouraged it, teaching them everything she knew and giving them room and supply enough to experiment and improve.

When their aunt died and the twins became homeless, the skills she had taught them were what helped them make their way in the world. They continued to cook for each other when they were able, developing a unique sort of synergy that their traveling companions couldn’t help but admire. They’d put on a show, maneuvering the kitchen with a grace and precision that was pleasing to the eye. And they loved it. Cooking was their calling, and they were never better at it than when they did it together.

Taako hasn’t cooked anything for anyone since his show in Glamour Springs, the only exception being the Candlenights macarons he’d baked in the middle of the night. He misses it, he really does, but the thought of cooking again makes him sick to his stomach anytime he passes by the kitchen he shares with Merle and Magnus.

Lup returns during the fight against the Hunger, and with it, so does Taako’s desire to cook. It’s a small spark, a miniscule hope that maybe just having her around is enough to keep him grounded, but still he doesn’t pursue it. At least, not until Lup starts living with him again.

She’s been staying in their suite the last few weeks since the Hunger was defeated, crashing on their couch until Lucretia decides what to do with the Bureau. It’s been amazing, having his sister back, but he knows that she’s noticed how he avoids the kitchen. She frowns at him when they order takeout instead of cooking like he always used to do, but but wisely doesn’t bring it up in front of the other boys. She gives him worried looks when she thinks he can’t see, runs her hands over her thighs when she wants to say something but is holding back. Taako hates it. He hates that she’s worried about him, but he hates even more that she’s so reluctant to bring it up. Part of him wishes she would just spit it out, while another part hopes she never does.

They’re sitting across from each other on the couch, legs draped over each other’s between them as Taako fiddles with some sort of trinket and Lup skims one of his books. Magnus and Merle are out doing their own things, leaving Taako and Lup with the whole suite to themselves. They’ve been sitting in comfortable silence for several minutes now, quietly absorbed in their own tasks, when Lup suddenly lets out a soft breath and sets the book to the side. Taako glances up as she does, quirking an eyebrow in a silent question.

“We need to talk,” Lup says, and Taako feels a pang of panic in his stomach. He forces himself to stay calm and relaxed, feigning nonchalance.

“About what?” he asks, dropping his gaze to the tool he’s fidgeting with so he doesn’t have to look at Lup’s concerned expression. He hates that look.

Lup sighs and sits up, tucking her legs underneath her. “You know what I mean. Being back has been great, obviously, and it’s been amazing being able to hang out with you again after so many years, but…” she trails off, searching for the right words, then says, “but you’ve been acting strange. You’re keeping things from me, I know, and I understand that because I’ve been keeping things from you too, but I’m worried. I haven’t seen you set foot in the kitchen except to do the dishes, and to be frank, it’s starting to freak me out a little. So, what’s up?”

Taako grits his teeth a little harder and replies, “Nothing’s up, I just haven’t really felt the urge to cook anything, I guess.” The lie feels wrong in his mouth, and his stomach feels sick. Lying to Magnus and Merle was one thing, but lying to Lup felt like committing a crime. They’d been through so much together, and he knew he shouldn’t be lying, but talking about his cooking show, and about glamour springs, scared him more than he would have expected. Especially because it was Lup. She was too close, too emotionally invested in him to leave well enough alone, and Taako knew this. She’d want to help, he was sure, but that meant having to face the thing that scared him more than any all-powerful grand relic ever had.

Lup doesn’t respond to him right away, and so Taako halts his tinkering for a second, risking a glance up at her face. It’s obvious she doesn’t believe him, and she even looks a little offended. She stands up suddenly and says, “Come with me,” before turning and walking briskly towards the kitchen.

Taako swallows down the dread he’s feeling as he reluctantly sets down his work and follows behind her. “Look, Lup, I can see what you’re doing, and it’s really not necessary to-”

“Just shut up and follow my lead,” Lup interrupts, and shoves a spoon into his hand before he can argue with her. He sighs, knowing he won’t be able to talk his way out of this, and reluctantly slides open a drawer beside the sink, pulling out two of his old aprons. He tosses one to Lup, who catches it deftly in her hands, and pulls the other one over his head, quickly tying the strings behind his back.

Lup rustles around in the cupboards and cabinets for a bit, pulling out ingredients. Some of them are untouched, having been stowed away at the beginning of the year and never used, and some are left over from when he made the macarons. Lup doesn’t seem to mind how old they are, pulling out mixing bowls and measuring cups as Taako watches her in confusion. “You remember Auntie’s brownie recipe, right?” She says as she cracks open a carton of eggs, checking to make sure they were still good. They were; Eggs were the only thing Magnus knew how to cook, and so the fridge was always stocked.

“Yeah, of course,” Taako replies instantly. “It was the first thing she ever taught us to bake.” His fingers tighten on the handle of the spoon, eyes scanning nervously over the ingredients Lup has piled on the counter.

Lup doesn’t say anything, just grins and spins a whisk in her hand as she immediately sets to work. She slides the bag of sugar and a measuring cup in his direction, then turns her back to him and begins to measure out water into a cup. Taako swallows and dips the cup into the bag, not wanting to help but too afraid of what she might say if he didn’t. When Lup leaves the big bowl in front of her to find vegetable oil, Taako moves into her place and adds the sugar, already out of the way by the time she returns.

Taako is pleased to see that their synergy is still there, that is hasn’t been dampened by their years apart. When Lup holds out her hand expectantly, Taako places two eggs into it with hardly a second glance. There was no need for them to speak, the familiarity of the situation helping Taako to relax some. For a few blessed minutes, he pushes thoughts of Glamour Springs from his head and focuses on the task at hand. Taako’s heart has ached for this. Lup tosses him her whisk, and he catches it deftly, immediately moving to mix the ingredients into a thick batter while Lup chops up almonds next to him. Lup takes over for him to add the almonds into the batter while Taako checks the oven, pulling on a pair of oven mitts as Lup pours the batter into a pan and holds it out to him. He takes it and slides it inside in one smooth motion, one hand tucking it neatly inside while the other keeps hold of the oven’s handle, closing the door behind him.

They wash their hands and hang up their dirty aprons next to the kitchen door, then go back to the living room to wait for the brownies to finish baking. Taako expects Lup to try to talk to him again, but to his surprise, she doesn’t. She sits down and patiently picks up the book again, flipping through its pages idly, and after a few seconds, Taako does the same. It’s odd to see his sister be so patient. Perhaps her years trapped in her Umbrastaff have taught her this, but he had been fully expecting her to barrage him until he finally gave in and told her everything. He has no idea what her plan is, but he knows she must be planning something. She is stone-faced, giving nothing away as she flips idly through her book until the oven timer dings from the kitchen.

Both Taako and Lup stand up almost in tandem, and Lup leads the way into the kitchen, taking a deep breath and sighing wistfully. “Smells like our childhood,” she says with a soft smile, sliding the brownies out of the oven and setting them on the stovetop to cool. She sheds the oven mitts and stows them away, then walks over to the sink and starts to scrub the dishes inside, humming a soft tune as she does. Taako wishes she’d just tell him what she was thinking, because for once, he has no idea. She stacks the clean utensils on a towel beside her, and Taako takes up drying and replacing the dishes, casting conflicted glances back at his sister as he does. She doesn’t seem to notice, and if she does, she doesn’t react.

Taako looks at the brownies, and feels a familiar sickness in his stomach. He knows that nothing bad will happen, but he can’t seem to shake the dread that clings to his skin and makes his hands shake. He tears his eyes away from them and clasps his hands on the edge of the sink, leaning over it for a moment as he takes deep breaths to calm himself.

“You feeling okay, bro?” Lup asks after a minute, and when Taako turns to face her, she’s sliding a brownie onto a small plate. She picks up a fork, going to take a bite, and Taako feels something inside of his sieze up.

“Don’t eat that!” He yells, and snatches the plate from her hands before she can touch it. The brownie flies off the plate and into the sink behind him, and Lup drops her fork, her eyes wide with shock.

It takes Taako a few seconds to realize what he’s done, and when he does, he lets out a choked gasp and the plate falls from his hands, clattering on the ground at his feet. He flinches at the sound, and part of him knows he should say something, anything, but he’s frozen, a horrified look on his face. “Oh god,” he whispers, taking a step back and bumping into the cabinets behind him. His hands and legs are quivering, and his heart is beating so hard he swears Lup can hear it. He feels like he might throw up. He slides down until he’s sitting on the floor, hiding his face behind his knees and grabbing fistfuls of his hair to keep his hands from shaking so badly. He realizes he’s probably hyperventilating.

Lup hasn’t moved, too shocked to do much of anything, but when she hears the strangled sob Taako tries to muffle, her instincts kick in. She’s at his side in a second, gently pulling his hands away from his head and holding them tightly in her own. She pulls his head against her shoulder and presses her ear against it the way she’d done as a child when he’d experienced panic attacks. “It’s okay, you’re safe, I’m safe, I’m here,” she murmurs to him, and he grabs hold of her shirt with one hand, clenching the fabric tightly in his fist until his panic subsides a bit and he’s able to breath normally again.

“I’m sorry,” he manages after a little while, voice still quivering. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

“Don’t apologize,” Lup replies instantly, and Taako jumps a little when he sees the guilt on her face. “I… didn’t realize it was this bad. I knew something was wrong, but… I’m sorry I forced you into this.”

Taako shakes his head. “Of course you didn’t know, I didn’t tell you,” he mumbles, quickly swiping the wetness from his eyes. He clenches his hands into tight fists. “I thought it would be okay, that having you back would somehow help me cook again, but I guess it wasn’t enough.” He chokes out a small, bitter laugh, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt if only to give his hands something to do. “Fuck, I feel so stupid.”

Lup reaches out and pushes Taako’s long hair away from his face, her fingers lingering for a moment before she drops her hand down to rest in her lap. “How long has it been?” she asks, keeping her voice soft.

Taako looks away, fighting back a rush of shame. “I dunno, like, maybe six years?” he answers slowly. He can’t bring himself to look at Lup anymore, so he looks down at his lap instead, tapping his fingers together restlessly.

Lup takes a deep breath and untangles herself from him, though she doesn’t leave his side. He can feel her shoulder pressing against his, keeping close but allowing him space as well, and he appreciates, not for the first time, how well she’s still able to read his mood. “Tell me,” she says.

“I… had a cooking show,” Taako begins, knowing that he would have to tell her eventually anyway. “Lucretia set it up for me, after she edited my memories. I drove from town to town with a big wagon and performed in front of all kinds of people. They loved me. I would put on a show, using transmutation magic to spice things up. For six years, I travelled around like that, sharing my talents. I was famous.” He laughs, and the bitterness is gone from it. “At the time, I thought it was what I’d always wanted.”

Lup smiles gently. “That sounds amazing,” she says, and Taako nods.

“It was, but it started to get to be too much for me to handle on my own. I hired a stage hand, someone to help me with shopping, driving, pre-show prep, that kind of stuff. His name was Sazed.” Taako speaks the name like it’s poison on his tongue, and he hugs his knees a little closer. “I let him tag along, taught him some of the things I knew, but it was never enough for him. He wanted in on my success. He tried to get me to make me his partner, and I said no.” He sighs, looking tired and defeated. “Sometimes I wish I would have just given him what he wanted.”

When Taako doesn’t clarify, Lup leans in a little closer. “He did something. What was it?” she asks. She leaves room open for Taako to deflect, to deny her. She doesn’t want him to push himself too far beyond what he’s comfortable sharing, as much as she wants to know.

Taako leans his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “We ended up in a nice town called Glamour Springs for a show. Everything seemed to be going fine. I had Sazed prep my ingredients while I set up the kitchen, and while I was gone, he slipped some arsenic into the rub I was using for my chicken recipe.” Lup inhales sharply, and Taako knows she understands. “Forty people died that day. I had no clue. I was just lucky I didn’t taste any of it. Two days later, he abandoned me, in the middle of the night. For five years, I thought it was my fault all those people died. I thought I’d fucked up a transmutation spell, and that my magic was what had killed them. From that day on, I promised I would never cook for anyone else, out of fear that it might happen again.” He drops his head back into his hands and chuckles a bit. “It’s pathetic. None of it was even my fault, and I still can’t look at a kitchen without feeling like I’m gonna vomit.”

Lup slides an arm around his shoulders and gives him a gentle squeeze. “It’s not pathetic,” she assures him. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I should have been there for you.”

“You were stuck in an umbrella, my dude. You didn’t really have a choice,” Taako points out, and Lup laughs a bit.

“Yeah, I know, but that was all on me. In retrospect, it was a lapse in judgement to make myself a weapon that would eat me if I ever died.” It’s Taako’s turn to laugh, now, and he nods in agreement. “Living in that black space for so many years was… maddening,” she admits. “For so long, I had to fight just to keep myself in tact. I couldn’t see, or hear, or feel anything. I had no magic and no means of escaping. For years, I struggled every day just to retain my consciousness. I meditated for days at a time, focused my energy on trying to sense what was outside, and I was lonely, Taako. The loneliness was crushing, threatening to envelop me with every quiet day that passed.”

She pauses, taking a few breaths, and Taako notices that she’s shaking. He reaches down and lays his hand on hers, a silent reminder that he was there, and Lup flashes him a grateful glance before continuing, “When you found my staff, I was so relieved. I thought that by then you would have figured out what happened to me, and would know how to break me out, but you didn’t even recognize what it was.” She reaches up, rubbing at her eye with the heel of her hand, and it comes away damp. “I tried so hard to let you know that I was there, that I was okay. I screamed, I gave you my power, I wrote my name in the wall, and it wasn’t until then that I realized that you’d forgotten me.” Lup looks heartbroken, and Taako feels his chest tighten at her vulnerable expression.

“If I had known who you were, I would have let you out right away,” he says quickly, and Lup smiles at him, squeezing his hand.

“I know,” she answers simply. “It wasn’t difficult to put two and two together after that. I bided my time, trusting that somehow you would be able to regain your memories and free me from the staff, and I was right. God, Taako, you have no idea how good it felt to finally get out of there. You really saved me.”

Taako laughs, bumping his shoulder against hers. “It’s the least I could do after all the times you saved my ass,” he says, and it’s like the heaviness that’s hung over him like a fog the whole time has lifted, leaving him feeling freer and lighter than before.

In the end, Lup convinces him to let her eat one of the brownies, but only after he’s taste-tested one of them himself. They’re delicious, like their food always is, and Taako feels like a kid again, just for a moment. It would take time, Taako knows, but he thinks that, maybe someday, he'll be able to cook freely again, the way he used to. They both have their own issues to sort out, but for now they joke and banter the way they always used to, and Taako feels a giddiness inside of him that he hasn’t felt since Lup disappeared.

There is nothing Taako wouldn’t do for his sister. Whether it’s learning an impossible spell for her, or growing her a new body, or just giving her someone to confide in, he knows that he would give her everything she ever needed. In this moment, lighthearted and weightless, Taako thinks that he would fight the whole world to preserve her smile.


End file.
